I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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