forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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