problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
