strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
