Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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