his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
my nose is crying tears of wow.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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