We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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