I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
