awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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