I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
