At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's not a walk of shame if you run
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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