Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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