This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
