u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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