Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
