Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
