can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
