Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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