I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
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