let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
