nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
