i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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