Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize