i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Randomize
