The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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