FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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