I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
