Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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