I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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