no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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