The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
