I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize