Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
