see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
