if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
