High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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