imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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