Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
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