Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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