New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
