it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
