we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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