You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
