If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
