garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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