I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
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