and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize