I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
