new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
