I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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