you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
