I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
