just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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