dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
