You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
