pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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