i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
