ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
