It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
