I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
