I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
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