Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
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