i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
