mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize