I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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