i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
