i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
and i looked up. we had an audience...
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
